Matrimonial efforts are among the few constructive activities being pursued by the Bombay Parsi Punchayet these days
In Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Ms Bennett spends most of
her waking hours in trying to get her five daughters married. No Parsi mother
has five daughters, and even if someone did, she may not care less. Marriage is
not an aspirational matter for the community. On the contrary, for some it is
almost fashionable to be unmarried. To make a provocative and unscientific
generalization, Parsi men in the matrimonial market are insipid and unexciting,
while their female counterparts are overtly aggressive. The more educated and
the more affluent tend to marry interfaith. We seldom distinguish between sons
and daughters in matters of inheritance. Women are most certainly not unequal.
Pre-marital and extra marital sex is not such a taboo any more. Most women work
and there is little economic compulsion to marry. We are not children obsessed,
like other communities. Bachelors and spinsters are envied; not looked down
upon. All this makes for a deadly cocktail of dramatically falling marriage
rates.
If
one were to analyze the statistical trends published by this publication, at
first blush it may appear that more and more Parsis are marrying interfaith.
The number of Parsi marriages is declining at a rapid rate, while the number of
interfaith marriages is rising. In 1989, 383 Parsi marriages were listed as
versus 62 interfaith. In 2013, only 156 Parsi marriages were listed while the
interfaith increased to 98. We are dealing with those Parsis who will not marry
interfaith but also find their own kind uninteresting. Most in this category
are more steeped in Parsi religion and culture. They just cannot imagine
living, on a day-to-day basis, with non-Parsis. They cannot withstand any
intercultural shock. Matchmaking comes into play here. These Parsis may not
bother going to a restaurant but don’t mind being spoon fed. Matrimonial
advertisements and kaajwallis (traditional matchmakers, usually women,
who operate by word of mouth) are no longer effective. Mutual friends may
arrange a meeting or two, but hardened singles will not vigorously follow up.
The
Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP), the Zoroastrian Youth for the Next Generation and
a few other Parsi organizations arrange mass dating, picnics and social
gatherings to create mating opportunities for singles. Most of the organizers
not only take the horse to the water but also make it drink. A majority of the
candidates are in their mid thirties to mid forties and expectations are not
too high. The strike rate may not be great but it is well worth the exercise.
If these combined matchmaking activities can result in 50 more marriages every
year and about 50 more children, there is hope yet for the community.
Divorcing
under Parsi matrimonial laws is not too easy, and woe betide if it is a
contested divorce. Again, unscientifically speaking, the rate of divorce in such
matched marriages is lower than in love marriages. Cultural homogeneity ensures
easier adjustment. The differences are usually trivial (you cannot make bheeda
per eedoo like my Mumma). Most of the matched ones come from the middle classes
and predominantly from the baugs. Emphasis is more on steady companionship
rather than pulsating romance. Familiarity with the B. D. Petit Parsee General
Hospital wards scores more brownie points than attending a concert at the
National Centre for the Performing Arts. In any event, the matchmakers do not
target the “caviar” Parsis but the “masoor-pau” ones; admirers of Rafi and Asha
Bhosle rather than Zubin Mehta or Freddie Mercury. This class requires external
intervention to goad them into matrimony. Once they tie the knot, however, they
are most likely to make a decent try at begetting a child or two.
The
BPP can provide them with priority, out-of-turn housing allotment, which is a
huge attraction to would-be wedders. Can this result in marriages of
convenience, like marrying a US or British citizen to get right of residence?
Unlikely, in the present situation.
For
those who spurn these matchmaking efforts, here is some stellar advice from
that shrewd observer of men and matrimony, Jane Austen herself: “Happiness in marriage
is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so
well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance
their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike
afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little
as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.”
Of
course, Jane Austen herself, like our Dolly from Cusrow Baug, never married.
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